All posts by SomeDudeStoleMyToast

Like the Wind is kinda fire

I always have these big, expansive ideas and they're really cool, but they require a ton of work to make happen.

However, I lack the talent to make any of them happen, and employing help from other people just by asking and not giving them something for compensation makes me feel like i'm taking time away from them

Like if I ask for a drawing, a commission of sorts, I feel awful because I can't give them like, money or a drawing in return because I either can't draw something as good or I can draw something in return but I feel like it won't be enough

Spider was a big example of this, and I feel constant guilt each and every day I remember asking him about that because I never got to really know him and was constantly asking for drawings, which no doubt made him tired and possibly overloaded him.

~Feel free to skip the next paragraph if you'd like~

I know he'll never see this since he left the wiki, but i'm sorry @SpiderGirlFan for asking so much of you. I can't ever give back your generosity and kindness, but just know that i'm forever grateful for what you did give. You were a joy to talk to when we did do that and you're just a great guy. I just wish I could give back or support you as an artist in any way.

On the other side of the coin, say I do some chores around the house and then I can get on the computer to play Minecraft or ABA or something. I go to ask my dad if I can have some time to play.

I have a great relationship with my dad and he's super nice and stuff, but I always hate when I do go to ask because I feel like a burden and that it's just another thing that pulls him away from his extremely important work. And even when he isn't working, I hate standing over him or milling around the room he's in waiting because I just wait for an answer and I hate that I do that.

Like, when my mom goes to the store and asks if anyone needs anything, I don't say anything ever because I don't want her to waste any more money because gas prices are going up, necessities are becoming more expensive, and even cleaning products are becoming more expensive and I don't want her spending more money that's already being spent.

Overall my self-esteem is usually low, and I don't think highly of myself. I know i'm annoying to a lot of people and I wish I wasn't. I hate when I ask for things that either I can't pay back and I hate when I ask for what I want because I did the work for it.

I know, this is self-deprecating and i'm being a hypocrite when it comes to this, but i'd rather get it out of my system instead of letting it fester and destroy myself from the inside out

Anyway that's what I wanted to say, if you read it to this point I appreciate it but feel free to not do anything, it's alright and i'm just glad you read it. Sorry for rambling and posting negative stuff, but i really am glad i can post this here